You have heard me say before that shcooters are good for marriages.
This is because shcooting is the only form of transportation that requires you to spoon while traveling.
Just try and hang on to an argument while spooning at 40mph. It is impossible.
Shcooting is also beneficial because it requires couples to coordinate their outfits, sometimes even to match. You both wear helmets, eyewear, and a pair of padded riding gloves that remind me of black-Spiderman*.
*Mike just informed me that “black-Spiderman’” is actually called Venom… I tried really hard to care.
The point is that matching outfits really build morale. They boost self-confidence and help you fit in. I learned this by being a middle school girl and also from the Olson twins.
Over the weekend, I discovered a brand-new activity that is also great for marriages: trampoline jumping.
We went to an indoor trampoline park that, I think, was created for 9-year-old birthday parties and adults seeking migraines. It was loud and smelled like pepperoni pizza and adolescent boys’ socks.
The fear quickly dissolved into joy. In fact, I think the iPhone camera was completely overwhelmed by our bouncing joy, which is why the photo came out blurry.
The trampoline park was so fun that the whole time we were there, I kept talking about how fun it was. I was both having fun and talking about fun at the same time, which felt like double-dipping. Under different circumstances, double-dipping would not have been so great for morale-building.
I highly recommend the morale-jackpot of indoor trampoline parks. They are fun, loud, and best accessed on an empty stomach. If you are lucky enough to go, allow me to offer a few recommendations.
- Do not play trampoline dodgeball with 12-year-old boys. They will crush you. And then they will laugh in your face.
- 60 minutes doesn’t sound like a long time until you have to jump for all 60 of them.
- The trampolines will try to make you feel old. Don’t let them. The fragility of your knees and hips is all in your head. Besides, there are surgeries for that!
- Jumping into a pit of foam might sound like a great idea… until you have to climb out of it. The exit-climb reveals that a foam pit is actually a form of indoor quicksand with a heightened risk of ringworm.
- Some adults will feel taller when given the opportunity to trampoline-slam-dunk, but most adults will leave the trampoline-slam-dunk feeling like fools. The trampoline does not make the hoop any less elusive. It just looks like you tried harder and still missed.
- No, the adolescents are not looking up to you. They are making fun of you. But be encouraged: at least you weren’t dropped of by your mom.
- Yes, this is a workout. So yes, you should probably stretch afterwards.
- You will feel graceful. You will not look graceful. Bear that in mind.
- If you let yourself have a good time, you will. You will also be sore the next morning. Call it a fun-hangover.
Since it appears that I am full of advice today, I will end by offering some final points for building marriage morale.
Agree to disagree about Spiderman.
Match as often as possible.
Accept double-dipping under limited circumstances.
Moderate the ‘growing old together’ process with shcooters and trampolines.