Lifestyle

We Call Scooting Shcooting

September 24, 2012

I am shocked and disgusted that it has taken me eight adventure posts to get to one about my most favorite adventuring medium.

Well, here she is.

This is my shcooter.

You may think I spelled that wrong, but I did not. Let’s sound it out together Sh-coot-er. I really hope you mouthed invisible words to your computer screen.

This little buddy earned its name by the simple fact that I like to add unnecessary consonants to words. A few years ago I was inspired by the curious “d” in Djibouti (The capital of Djibouti) and have been adding needless consonants ever since.

I bought the shcooter from a nice fellow named T.C. at the Vespa dealership. Apparently, he liked random consonants so much that he used them for his first name. As you can see, when you own a shcooter, you get more creative liberties in life.

Here is m.e. and T.C.

The benefits of a shcooter are really endless, beginning with 70-miles-a-gallon on this hog.

Additional advantages include:

  1. PARKING. You can park the shcoot anywhere: sidewalks, alleys, doorways, or landscaped medians. Like I said, shcooter owners get more creative liberties in life. That’s not a parking spot, you say? It’s only because you don’t have the same creative liberty as me. Conversation over.
  2. HELMET. Shcooting requires a helmet in the state of California. Helmets scream danger. Wearing a helmet is confirmation that the activity you are about to undertake might smash your skull.  You don’t care.  You’re not scared.

See, we wear helmets. Do we look scared? No. We are adventurers.

We also wear helmets because, quite frankly, we would do anything to be more like Tim Tebow. And he wears a helmet.

  1. FRIENDS. Finally, owning a shcoot increases your cool factor by a million. It launches new friendships.  While making new friends here in San Diego, Mike and I try and orchestrate shcooting grand entrances. These entrances really enhance our desirability at friend-tryouts (what other people call “social gatherings”). We love barbecues, garden parties, and tailgates because these are moments when we really get to shine. The shcoot does most of the work as we arrive fashionably late with our danger-embracing helmets glistening in the sun. Hoards of people race to engage us in friend-auditions (what others call “conversations”). Works like a charm every time.

So let’s recap: Shcooting is good for the environment, makes you more like Tim Tebow, and gives you friends.

It seems pretty clear that a shcoot is as essential to life as the “d” is to Djibouti. Life… and Africa… just doesn’t make shmense without it.